This post is a little off tempo from what we usually do, but I guess this one can fall into the “á la mode” part of our title. Let me start off by saying this post isn’t meant for tears, heartache, or anything negative; actually it is quite opposite…just bear with me!
As a young girl I always had a picture perfect life imagined– married, children, a dog, and a beautiful home filled with tons of laughter. For the most part, I have that. I married my Prince Charming, Stella came along a few months later, we have a beautiful “fixer upper” home, but the pitter patter of baby feet still remained unheard. Timmy wanted to wait and enjoy our first year as a married couple– and I am so glad we did– but the moment he said, “yes, lets have a baby,” I was ready!
Fast forward to 2 and a half years later, millions of tears, and thousands of dollars in medical bills, all to find out that everything is OK, but it’s just not happening. It’s unexplained– seriously, not even a recommendation of a lifestyle change. To me, the unexplained hurt more than if we were to find a problem, only because we have no way of fixing “unexplained.”
This brings us to a few months ago when Ashley and I stayed at the OVR cabin in the Laurel Highlands. She and I were jamming out to Thomas Rhett’s newest album and making pancakes, laughing, and having a great time. Somehow, our conversation turned to the struggles Timmy and I are having. Without skipping a beat, my best friend of almost 20 years looks me in the eye and says, “Er, everything is ok. Maybe that’s God telling you it just isn’t time yet. We have so much to do still! Look around and be thankful for what you do have.” For the first time I actually heard the words that I had been trying to convince myself (and others had tried convincing me) of for years. From that moment, I accepted that God had a plan for me; I prayed that I would stop obsessing over the fact that we weren’t parents yet and start living again. Ahhh… Freedom. I was finally free from the depression that the word “unexplained” had me chained to.
Scrolling on Etsy one night, I came across this t-shirt design by Samantha White Designs. It simply says “Sarah & Rebekah & Rachel & Hannah & Elizabeth. Hope.” These women all had something in common… the word “unexplained.” Yet, they were faithful to God and the plan He had for each of them. They hoped for that day they would be blessed with a little one in their arms. And guess what, friends? They each received their blessings. I quickly ordered this shirt and I love that it’s styled like a baseball tee. After all, I am on the same “team” as these women… haha. If you are interested in purchasing this shirt Samantha has been so kind as to give our readers 15% off when you use the code FRIENDS15— thanks, girlie!
Timmy and I were celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary and every year we get pictures done of where we are in our life at that time. Year one featured Stella, year two was a beach session, and now year three… Hope. I wanted to embrace this new freedom. I want to be able to be genuinely happy when someone tells me they are pregnant, and not hurt just a little because it isn’t me. I’m, by no means, perfect, but then again He’s still working on me… and He’s still working on you. When I told Samantha my story and that I needed a rush on this shirt, she happily obliged and sent it out a week later! The shirt is great quality and looks exactly like the photo on her Etsy shop site.
I have been to the best of the best doctors and have weighed out the options. Timmy and I are in agreement that we are just going to wait for God’s perfect timing. So, all I ask is that instead of advice, just say a prayer for everyone struggling with infertility. If you need prayer, Ashley and I would love to pray for you, so simply leave us a comment or connect with us via FB, Instagram, or Twitter (@venturealamode).
xo,
Er
PS. 4 days left to enter our beauty giveaway!! ($110 value)
This post is absolutely beautiful and I really appreciate your message. My husband and I have been trying for a baby since we got married –
Only to find out that I suffer from some physical complications. Since learning this, life has thrown us some curve balls and even though my physical complications can be treated by surgery to give us a little more of a fighting chance, we have had to put our baby dreams on hold. Like you and your husband we are waiting for God’s perfect timing.
Your story touched my heart in a way I can’t explain and for that I am truly grateful!
Thank you for sharing!
I am so glad you enjoyed it and I am sorry for the complications you are going through! I know it is so so hard and sometimes it doesn’t feel real, but God is all All Mighty, All Knowing, God and He has the perfect plan for us. We need to embrace that together! Please know we will be praying for you and with you! God Bless 💕
Love, Love, Love this post! My husband and I are going through the same thing as well. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
We will be doing the same for you Debby! Never give up Hope! Jesus is with you! Praying for you, sister. Xo
Sweet, sweet, Erin… We pray for you and Timmy (& your entire family) daily!
I, too, know this pain… but, it has an added layer. You see, Branden has two broken marriages in his past, each with a child left in the mix. Literally months before fully surrendering his life to Jesus in October 2011, and months prior to meeting me, Branden chose to have a vasectomy. He didn’t want to have the slightest chance of bringing more brokenness into the world. He told me this when we began dating, and he was shocked that I stayed with him (especially being 8.5 years younger.) But, true love is more than having what YOU want.
I love my two step-children more than they’ll ever know. But, during our first year of marriage it was extremely difficult to be the fourth wheel. I, too, fell into a depression, and I couldn’t understand why I felt this way if I was trusting in God’s plan for my life. I expressed to Branden how I felt about children – I’ve always wanted them, and I will always desire to have one of OUR own – and, he still was scared to consider it. Around our 2nd year of marriage (we’ve been married 4.5 years) Branden expressed his desire to have children with me! (PTL!) But, now we’re walking in the “God’s Timing” season. And, unfortunately, a lot depends on money. My parents joked we should start a “gofundme” page (haha!) to raise money for the procedure, but we’re still praying for a miracle.
I LOVE this shirt…absolutely love it. Because that’s all I can hang on to, as well…HOPE. Hope that one day I’ll be able to hold God’s blessing in my arms, and look at Branden and say, “This child will never have to know the pain of divorce. This child will be brought up in a home where Mommy & Daddy will work together to ensure the best for him/her. This child will have a constant presence of a father in his/her life. This one’s for keeps.” So while my story doesn’t involve infertility (at least at this point in our journey) it still requires a large amount of faith in our Father above.
Love you and know that I’m praying daily specifically for this… 😉
I love you so so so much and I appreciate hearing your story! I will be praying for you as well. I have learned to find true peace in praying for others and I know my time is coming, it just isn’t right now. And honestly, if it doesn’t come but in my journey I am brining people to Christ, then this is totally worth it. The tears, the money, the frustrations… it’s all worth it if one person, just one, comes to Christ. It took me soooo long to finally get to this point but now that I am I am enjoying my life and my marriage, I’m traveling with my best friend who has the same goals, and I’m continuing down the road God wants me to be on!
I had no idea about what all you are going through to get there, but you both are fulfilling Gods purpose as well and He has planted a seed of desire and I believe that seed will not go unnoticed! Just like each of those women I cling on to their stories. The circumstances of infertility and old age were no match for our Lord and they each received their blessings!
I love you and am please know we are praying! Xoxoxo