“Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t cry. Focus.” That was the mantra going through my mind on Wednesday night at yoga. “Focus, Erin.” But how could I? How could I focus when my best friend of 20 years was to my left in the same yoga class and we weren’t even speaking– and over nothing more than a misunderstanding that was blown in every direction but the right one. I would tell myself to stop being so stubborn and to let go of my pride, but I wouldn’t, and neither would she. We lost 2 months of our friendship. To us, it felt like years.
It can be difficult reaching out to someone who you love so much but aren’t currently on great terms with. It can be awkward to send them a text or even have a face-to-face conversation. In our case, we owed it to those 5th grade best friends from the 90s to talk it out. This is what we learned.
1. Talk face-to-face. Text messaging does no justice and in some cases, makes it worse. You can’t read emotions. So many different times when we talked about messages we had sent, we would realize that the tone we read in was totally different than the tone that had been intended.
2. Choose a neutral location. We find that it’s easier to talk in a neutral location other than at one of our houses. We personally find it really easy to talk over a cup of Dunkin’ coffee.
3. Time. Don’t schedule other obligations around the time you want to talk. It doesn’t do the conversation any good to have it on a schedule. Talk it out as long as you need to resolve your issue. We sat and talked for almost 3 hours– not just resolving our issues, but catching up on lost time.
4. Remain objective. No one is perfect. Being open to the other person’s feelings will help you to see their point of view.
5. Listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen to what the other person has to say.
6. Be honest with each other. Tell each other how you really feel/felt. Get it all out because now is your chance (also remember 4 & 5 while the other is talking).
7. Take ownership and don’t be too proud to say “I’m sorry”. Admit when you’re wrong. It takes two, so say you’re sorry and mean it. Own your mistakes.
8. Take other people’s opinions out of the equation. When you and your BFF are having a tiff, it may be nice to confide in someone, but beware this could be dangerous to your relationship. Other people’s thoughts and opinions can be venomous and can cause deeper issues– maybe not intentionally, but they may see things one-sided. When confiding in someone, choose someone who is going to remain objective and isn’t afraid to point out their faults, but also yours.
9. Get back to the basics of your relationship. Why are you friends in the first place? What makes this friendship special? Talk about the good times. Laugh.
10. Pray. This is the most important step of all. Pray that God directs the conversation. Pray over your relationship. Pray for strength to get though the difficult time.
Some have noticed that I had disappeared for a couple of months and as a result, there were a lot of questions and opinions floating around about what was going on. After talking with Ashley, we thought it would be best to put it out there; this is, after all, a “real life blog.” Real life isn’t always perfect, but it’s the “real life” that we embrace on this blog. In life, there will be times you fight with your best friend, but it comes down to this… is your friendship worth saving?
Ours was.
Xo,
Er
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