I have kept quiet on this whole abortion topic, mainly because as an “infertile,” this topic is rather heavy to bear. Although now that my facebook news feed has been flooded with the latest news on New York’s passing of a bill to abort babies up until birth, it seems that I can’t stop thinking of this particular topic.
I am continuously tortured by one thing or another. I would be lying if I sat here and told you that these past few months hadn’t been a living hell. I have grieved something someone I never had, I have to smile when my heart is aching as I sit and talk with my best friends about their pregnancies, and I have to be strong for the friends who rely on me when they are breaking down over the same thing. Honestly, I am okay with all of that. What I am not okay with, is watching people just like me grieve the loss of another woman’s unwanted baby.
As a couple who have been trying for over 4 years now, we receive a lot of sound advice. The one that always makes me cringe though is “Why don’t you adopt?” Let me tell you why we don’t “just adopt.” Did you know for a lot of agencies that it costs at least $9,000 to just put in an application for adoption? It also costs to have a home inspector come in to see if you’re fit to be parents, to go to the “next-level” of the adoption process, and so on… On top of that, a couple may need to do some serious home repairs, build a new home, make vehicle changes, and honor other requests just in preparation for a POSSIBILITY to adopt. That’s right; the process isn’t even guaranteed and it can take years. And you know what? Sometimes, you have to pay fees again after a certain amount of time. You can invest up to 50k+ and adoption still may not happen, allowing some to waste years waiting.
“How about in vitro or other medical procedures?” or “Have you tried x,y,z medication?” Ha, those cost too. Whether they work or not, couples are scraping money up left and right trying to be able to create a life. You are looking at another 50k+ depending on procedures, appointment costs, etc. So when we (those of us who have spent the money to create life, have failed and/or put money into what we hope would end in adoption) read articles about women disposing of their baby like an old rag, it hurts deep into our bones.
I know and understand that abortion isn’t going to go away, and in my mind and in my heart, there is literally no justifying it. But I could get behind a movement where abortion was ridiculously unaffordable (like obtaining a child) and the government backed up families instead of giving an “out” to someone who just “decided” she wasn’t ready to take care of another person but herself. Well sweet cheeks, if you’re not ready for the responsibilities that come with sex, then maybe ya shouldn’t partake in it. Hey, I know that contraceptives don’t always work, but I do believe that this is where men need to be held responsible, too. If your guy doesn’t want to respect you and be responsible with you, then why the heck are you with him? It isn’t all about him.
So what about rape? I will admit, that’s a hard one. I believe in God’s grace and mercies and I can’t say what I would do in that situation, but I would like to say that in something so horrible, it just might make things better to turn that negative into a positive. If a woman carried an unwanted child due to rape, how beautiful would it be that she would hand that child over to a couple who wanted him or her (in a perfect world, the government would fund everything and neither side would pay for any of it.. especially since there are so many fighting for birth control funding). I don’t believe that two wrongs make a right, but I won’t say much more on that topic because I have never been in that situation. I am sorry if you have and I would never want to hurt anyone in regards to whatever decision that was made. I also want to say that there is help out there and no matter what, Jesus still loves you.
Then there is the “mom’s life/baby’s life is in danger” predicament. I have read a lot about doctors telling parents to abort, and the parents choosing not to, then the mom and baby being safe and perfectly healthy. Doctors are human, too. But you’re telling me that as a mom, you wouldn’t at least try to save your baby over yourself? I mean, isn’t that what moms do? Isn’t that instinct? Or have we become so totally self-consumed that we can’t see past our noses? That we would rather continue to live our lives then give these precious babies a chance to do something great. I find it hard to believe that there wouldn’t be something worth trying to make it work for both people – not person and fetus, not person and cluster of cells – both people. Period. Honestly, I don’t think I have ever heard of someone who regretted saving their child, but there are people out there who have unwillingly lost their child; it was totally out of their control and all you hear them saying is, “I could have done more.” Also, you really don’t think that this system wouldn’t be abused? Come on. Every other system in America is abused in one way or another; eventually, some doctors may choose to take the money over a child’s life, giving a “danger” diagnosis and the mom is going to go on her way. This makes me ill.
It saddens me that we live in a country where an animal has more rights than a human child. Hey, I love my dog; she’s my baby with four legs, but come on, let’s face it, she is an animal. I hear all of this “they need a voice” and “be their voice,” but I must be mistaken because that baby asked to be aborted, right?
Obviously, you can sense my distress in this post I am sure. Just because I am highly against this movement still doesn’t give me the right to be full of hate towards anyone who makes this decision (and I am not). I have the right to be against something, but as a Christian, I am also here to love, not judge. I just hope that one baby might be saved so that a deserving family could love and cherish them. If not, I hope that the love of Jesus finds the broken hearts. Christians, a lot of us are fueled by this bill, but please spread love and compassion. We can be passionate about our feelings, but let’s not allow our passions to drive people away from the One who loves them most.
Can I get an Amen?
Xo,
Er
“Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours.“
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