Ashley:
6:45AM. I grab my lunch and throw on my backpack as I run out the front door. I put my items in the back seat of my car and hop in the front. “Crap… where’s my phone? Do I have my phone?!” I get back out of the car and dig through my purse. “Ok. Got it. Keys????”
After that, it’s pedal to the metal as I hurriedly eat my breakfast on my drive to work, where I need to be in the door before 7AM. I yawn as I pull out onto the road. I was up late getting tests checked so I could give them back today. I reach for the volume button and turn on the radio. KLOVE is on.
“Alarm clock screaming, bare feet hit the floor
It’s off to the races, everybody out the door
I’m feeling like I’m falling behind; it’s a crazy life
Ninety miles an hour, going fast as I can
Trying to push a little harder, trying to get the upper hand
So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life
It’s ready, set, go; it’s another wild day
When the stress is on the rise, in my heart I feel you say just
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Third cup of joe, just to get me through the day
Want to make the most of time, but I feel it slip away
I wonder if there’s something more to this crazy life
I’m busy, busy, busy, and it’s no surprise to see
That I only have time for me, me, me
There’s gotta be something more to this crazy life
I’m hanging on tight to another wild day
When it starts to fall apart, in my heart I hear you say just
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to take it in fill your lungs
The peace of God that overcomes
Just breathe
So, let your weary spirit rest
Lay down what’s good and find what’s best
Just breathe
Just breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Just breathe”
It was like I was hearing this song for the first time, as I actually processed the lyrics. I felt this song in my bones that morning. “That’s me,” I thought. I’m always running, always stressed, and my anxiety gets the most of me sometimes. I never give myself time to just… breathe. I prayed. I prayed hard that He would help me to breathe, to say no, to walk away from the things that were hurting my health. Quite recently, I even had my first ever panic attack. I thought I was just having some heart palpitations (those happen from time to time), but when I started to black out and struggled to catch my breath, I knew something else was happening.
I immediately called Erin and told her I had the worst heart palpitations of my life. I explained to her what happened to my body and the awful feelings I experienced. She told me it wasn’t just palpitations, but that the palpitations I experienced were just symptoms of a panic attack, something she has experienced many times.
When all of this craziness happened, I felt even more stressed. There were people attacking each other on social media, turning a pandemic into a political issue, and my regular classroom was taken from me, as I moved to virtual learning. I deleted my Facebook account because it was an unnecessary stressor. Some of the people I knew continued to complain and gripe about how awful this or that was and I continued to pray, a lot. I talked to Erin, some of my other friends, and my family and their positivity spoke volumes in my life.
Erin:
Ashley and I recently talked about the blessings that being forced into quarantine has brought us. While we aren’t happy about the tragedy that it has caused many families, including my own, we are thankful for the slowness and stillness we have been gifted (and there is nothing wrong with being thankful for that). I miss working in the salon in the worst way, but I have learned that I need to pace myself and give myself some time to breathe. I am a people pleaser, I want everyone to be happy and always smiling. I would break my back servicing people just because I was scared they would be mad at me if I didn’t get them in when they had asked. I was to the point where I was neglecting my own physical and mental needs in order to accommodate someone else’s and that is a very toxic way of living. I told Ashley that if this break has taught me anything, its that we will always find a means to survive and there are things not worth running back to – especially full steam ahead.
I attended a Casting Crowns concert just a few days before we went on lockdown and in the middle of Praise and Worship I broke down to these words:
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on
Chained by your control
There’s freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held”
I needed those words to tell me that I don’t always have to “hold” everyone else but that I am allowed to be held, too. How wonderful is it knowing the our Father is the one holding me.
Ashley & Erin:
As easy as it is to name all of the things we don’t have right now, have you taken a moment to look at all the blessings you’ve been given through this quarantine? More time with family, more time to reflect, and the opportunity to learn new things, to name a few. How many times have you prayed for less anxiety and stress or for more time? Take a moment on this Easter Sunday to JUST. BREATHE. Be thankful and praise Him in this storm.
Good Friday was a dark day (relatable to the times we are experiencing right now), the following Saturday was a silent day, but friends, as Christ-followers, we can say with certainty that Sunday is coming, as is has for us today!
Happy Easter,
Ash & Er
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